Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

P.O. Box 982

New York, NY 10272

Dear Mr. RFK Jr.,

Are you okay?

The reason I ask is I saw that you had a worm in your brain that ate part of it and died.  In your brain.  

This was back in 2012 when you were getting divorced from your second wife and you said in a deposition that worms were eating your brain.  Fast forward to 2024 and you’re on your third wife.  Now you say the worms are dead?  

So many questions: Why did the worms die when they ate your brain?  Many people are saying it was the polio vaccine you got when you were a kid that killed the worms that ate your brain.  Many people are saying that.  And there are studies.

I know, I know.  You’re saying, “But Carl, I had successful surgery to remove the dead worms from my brain in 2012!”

I guess this explains why we’ve been seeing all those pictures of you surfing, and you working out in the gym, and you shirtless like Putin and totally jacked.  If you’re going to run for president, the voters need to know that you’re fit to do the job even if you're a 70 year-old white guy with worms eating your brain.

Before the worms ate your brain were you a surfer who could bench press a pick-up truck with no shirt on?  This is a question that many people are asking.  Did you know there’s science that draws a correlation between worms eating people’s brains and exhibitionistic physical fitness!

But the “cognitive problems” and “short-term and longer-term memory loss”  and “brain fog”  that you reported when you were getting divorced from your second wife weren’t caused by worms eating your brain. The science is pretty clear about that.  Those were caused by mercury in your brain!  I’m relieved to see you’re feeling much better since the doctor told you to lay off the tuna sandwiches.

I have a question:  When you said, “There’s no vaccine that is, you know, safe and effective,” was that before or after you stopped eating tuna sandwiches?

Many people are asking:  Who conspired to put worms in your brain?  Did the CIA who killed your father and uncle inject them through your nose?  Did the worms surf on little surfboards into your brain on WiFi waves?  Or was it an ear worm that sneaked in when you heard “Big Girls Don’t Cry” on the oldies station?

Studies show that the most effective remedy for worms eating your brain is to find a robin to build a nest on your head.  When the eggs hatch, the robin will poke through your ears and pull those worms right out of your brain to feed their babies.  This is a natural method that avoids surgery and all those expensive drugs from Big Pharma.

This is a no-brainer!  Find a robin to build a nest on your head!  It’ll hide your bald spot!  Plus, a robin’s nest on your head will be a real ice-breaker out on the campaign trail.  It will distinguish you as your own man, different from Donald and Joe, those stodgy old beltway insiders.  No!  You, RFK Jr, with a robin’s nest on your head and worms eating your brain, are a man-of-the-people who will restore dignity, liberty, and common sense to America!

Back to ear worms, the writer Dave Barry once said the best cure for an ear worm is to sing it to somebody else.  Then you get rid of it and pass it on.  I've had this ear worm rattling around in my head all week and it's driving me crazy!  So I'm passing it on to you.  Here goes:

YAKITY-YAK!

Tag!  You’re it!

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

P.S.  Do you think Donald TRUMP has worms eating his brain?  We know he doesn’t have mercury in his brain.  He hates tuna fish!

P.P.S.  Do Big Macs contain mercury?

P.P.P.S.  Please send an autographed photo.  Make it out to my grandson Lester.  You’re his favorite scientist.  He likes you even better than Dr. Oz!