Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Roger Ailes
Chairman and CEO
Fox News
1211 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10036-8795
Dear Mr. Ailes,
I have an idea for a “Reality TV” show that I don’t think you can pass up.
At first, I thought I’d give it to CBS because it’s based on their Survivor show, but the more I think of it, the more I’m convinced: This is a job for FOX!
I guess we’ll have to work around the title--CBS probably won’t let us use the Survivor name. That’s ok. One door closes and another door opens. Let’s call our new show:
BEYOND REALITY:
THE ABU GHRAIB EXTREME ENDURANCE COMPETITION!
You won’t believe the cast of stars I’ve lined up for this show! I’ve floated the idea by Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz, Powell, Rush Limbaugh, and even Our President, and guess what? Not a single one of them has said no!
The competition will be based on the pictures and reports about the “harsh interrogation techniques” that have recently surfaced in the media. Condi Rice and Ann Coulter can be the Cruel Prison Wardens. They can start out easy--strictly Geneva Convention stuff. Then the events will get progressively more “rigorous”--running the gamut of “Gitmo” (that’s Guantanamo Bay) techniques, all the way to Nazi torture.
Every week, another contestant will be voted out of the prison. Go easy on Our President so he can win. While Rumsfeld is getting mauled by rabid Rottweillers, Our President can fend off a simulated attack by a vicious looking Poodle. In the Frat House Prank Competition, Rush Limbaugh can be led naked on a leash through a series of Skull and Bones maneuvers while Our President is forced to see how many beers He can chug. While all the contestants are forced into a naked dog pile, Our President can be quietly smuggled onto Air Force One so He can fly to Alabama and give a campaign speech on keeping the world safe from terror.
Also, after The Abu Ghraib Extreme Endurance Competition, you can have a sequel:
BEYOND REALITY, CHAPTER ONE:
GITMO!
(That’s Guantanamo Bay.) By then, there will be a glut of new pictures and video out, so you should have lots of new ideas for “harsh techniques” that are “reasonably consistent with the Geneva Convention.”
I figure we can start filming in February--by that time, all the contestants should be available. I’ve written to Ashcroft and suggested that he be the producer--he’ll be perfect! Don’t worry about paying me for the idea--this one’s on me. I just think FOX is the only station to do this “concept” justice--you’re so good at this kind of thing! Also, I want to make sure Our President wins, and you’re the only station I can trust.
Sincerely,
Carl Estrada